Christmas Evening

This evening we went over to friends Sean and Mary's house. They'd lost power earlier in the day but it had been restored by the time we got there (with of course no clue as to why it had gone out in the first place ... thanks, OG&E ... I thought monopolies were illegal? Oh well), so the lights were bright and the fellowship was warm (although that would have been so even if the power hadn't come back on).

Mark's gift from Sean and Mary was a lovely big bottle of vodka, which he cracked open straightaway to enjoy (mine is a huge bottle of Chambord, which is really nice when mixed with a sweet white wine - think Riesling - and consumed very quickly, resulting in a total inability to do anything requiring sobriety in about half the time of normal drinks).

Here is Sean, always a gracious host, and especially festive today ... the sequins give him a really delightful Graham Norton look that is sure to be the envy of at least two nations once this gets posted ...

Mary is Sean's lovely wife (and the origin of the yummy sausage roll recipe). She had surgery on her hand last week, poor lamb, but is recuperating well in very stylish jammies!

This is Wilfried. He's not really cross-eyed, but he *is* French ... 'nuff said. (Je sais, je sais, ferme ta bouche! Quelle surprise ... quelle dommage! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)
Elder daughter was counting the hours left until midnight and her birthday, but seemed to have a nice time too, especially since her boots made her taller than me.

Here are Emma, Kieran, and Kendall, who are not far apart in age and always enjoy hanging out together. (Notice the girls have matching smiles!)

This is Cole, who turned 3 last month. He is a man of few words, but he and Kieran had fun playing Don't Break The Ice and making (and destroying) different sorts of towers with the Jenga blocks.

This is Cole's mum, Jeannie, who works with Sean and Mary at the OMRF. She allegedly gives really good foot rubs!

After the visit, we drove around for a while looking at (the utter lack of) Christmas lights on houses on the way home. It was after 10:00, so maybe folks had them turned off, but wouldn't you think that Christmas would be THE DAY to have Christmas lights on?

As I finish writing this, I'm yawning my head off and (almost) regretting that last glass of wine. Goodnight ... hope your Christmas was wonderful!

Christmas (Un)Wrapping

The brats actually let us sleep till 8:00 this morning! They came bouncing in, the three of them, filled with smiles and shouts and giggles. Poor kids ... their mean parents weren't quite ready to wake up yet, so we made them pile in bed with us and watch TV for about half an hour before saying it was time to go see what had transpired overnight in the living room.

Within a half hour, chaos reigned.


Still no word on how all that's going to get tidied up, but no matter. It's Christmas!

Kymber (also known as K.C. to those of us who've known her all her life) got a JVC system with a wicked subwoofer (her mother's daughter *g*) through which she can play her iPod, a game for her Nintendo DS, a book and book-light, and gift cards to American Eagle, Aeropostale, Claire's, and Bath & Body Works.



Kieran got a gaming chair (you plug the Nintendo DS into it; there are speakers on either side of the headrest, and you can either set it straight on the floor and rock in it or attach a pedestal), a bunch of Star Wars figures, books on Star Wars and dinosaurs, some winter weather gear, and a new game for his Nintendo DS.

Kendall also got a gaming chair and a game for her Nintendo DS, plus a Barbie and a bunch of Barbie clothes, two fairy books, some cold-weather wear, and a toy veterinarian set with a cute little puppy-dog.

Of course, all three monsters scored big on the candy from Santa, who also brought them each a gift card from Gap ... guess he knows how they like to shop.

Mark got a nice-sized wad of cash (cleverly disguised as a deposit into his golf account for spending as he sees fit). Santa brought him some more cash (there's a rumor that the cash was actually supposed to be gift cards to Buffalo Wild Wings but due to licensing arrangements these can't be produced at the North Pole, and by the time he got to BWW they were all out of the cards) and some chocolate golf balls.

I got the pleasure of seeing smiles and hearing laughs from my husband and children, the promise of having to clean up the mess, and some lovely memories! In my stocking were a couple of books and some tasty lip gloss. Oh, and I got this ...My friend Mary gave me her recipe for sausage rolls, so I decided to try making them for breakfast. They came out really well and are (if I might say so myself) very tasty!

We're off to visit some friends shortly, where there will be more gifts and smiles and laughter and the lifting of beverages to toast the day.

I hope most sincerely that your Christmas is filled with warmth, light, laughter, and love. If you're missing a loved one because s/he is Over There, please know that we will raise a glass to them and send up our most fervent hopes for their safe return to you. If you're far away from your family, maybe today's the day to go make some new friends and create some traditions all your own. Most of all, though, here's wishing for peace on earth and goodwill to everyone.

Christmas hugs to you and yours from me and mine!

And I Thought "Pre" Meant "Before"

Monday afternoon I went to the Hallmark web site to pop an e-card off to some folks. I expected to see sale advertising (it is, after all, "that time of year"). I did *not* expect this, though ...

Oh, where do I begin?

Do "pre" and "after" cancel each other out, leaving only a Christmas Sale? What does George Carlin have to say about this? Is it something to include in future oxymoron lists? How is anybody advertising an after-Christmas sale before Christmas? Come on, everybody knows that we all take a 36-hour breather (from 6 p.m. on the 24th to 6 a.m. on the 26th) and then revisit the frenzy with one hand full of gift cards and the other holding bags with gift receipts for the god-awful sweater or pinafore or blouse or whatever that our favorite spinster aunts bestowed upon us. Since when does Christmas Eve count as a day to advertise what's next? I don't know about where you are, but our local rag (the Daily Disappointment or the Daily Joke-lahoman, depending on who's doing the telling) is crammed full of circulars on Christmas, all wishing us the happiest of holidays in teensy type in the upper left corner while "DON'T MISS THIS SALE! DOORBUSTER SPECIALS TILL 9 A.M. ONLY!" is shrieked at us in 32-point Helvetica. As one last snide aside ... I ventured out to the mall after seeing this, and after enquiring was informed that the Pre-After-Christmas Sale was only for online shoppers (not available in actual stores staffed by actual people who actually live in your same area code). Nothing purchased online today would ship today; nothing would arrive until Thursday at the earliest. How sad. Somebody's marketing department needs a bit of Zoloft!

Happy Xmas

(Thanks, John.)

So this is Xmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Xmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Xmas (war is over)
For weak and for strong (if you want it)
For rich and the poor ones (war is over)
The world is so wrong (if you want it)
And so happy Xmas (war is over)
For black and for white (if you want it)
For yellow and red ones (war is over)
Let's stop all the fight (now)
A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Xmas (war is over)
And what have we done (if you want it)
Another year over (war is over)
A new one just begun (if you want it)
And so happy Xmas (war is over)
We hope you have fun (if you want it)
The near and the dear one (war is over)
The old and the young (now)
A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
Happy Xmas

Relief.

UPDATE: It turns out that the little post the temporary crown was hanging on had broken into five pieces, which is what caused the abscess. Dear Dr. Lars dug them all out of my jaw, cleaned out the pit, and sutured it shut to heal (without once saying "yuck" or "gross" or excusing himself to have a big heave). He then proceeded to bond a cute little tooth-esque widget in so that there's not some big funky hole, and explained to me with all due gravity that I must ingest the antibiotic four times daily or risk not only not getting better, but actually getting worse. I may not drink from a straw for at least a week; I must cut way down on tobacco intake with an eye toward the Q-word (that's Q-U-I-T -- shudder); I must not bite into anything with my front teeth.

My face is nearly back to normal (except for the right side of my top lip, which seems a bit stupid still, but I'm sure it will pass) and the pain is almost always controllable with a lesser amount of Darvocet and some ibuprofen. I really feel much better now!

Thanks, Lars! : )

Toothache (and Major Ick Warning)

Warning.

Danger, Will Robinson.

There is some serious gross-out further down in this post.

I won't get upset if you choose to stop now, I promise.

One bright and shiny day when I was 10, I got into a bike race with one of the boys from down the street. (There were only four kids in the neighborhood ... my kid brother and me, and two brothers down the way.) I was actually winning, and turned my head to look over my left shoulder to see just how far behind he was. Unfortunately, my hands/arms moved in opposition, and I steered without looking bang into a curb. From there, I was catapulted ass-over-teakettle into the precious little rock garden out in front of the house three doors down from ours, where I landed face-first on some lovely big sharp-ish rocks, breaking off one of my "grown-up" teeth at the gumline. The pediatric dentist slapped some dental Bond-O kind of stuff on it and said, "That oughta hold it for a while."

Seventeen years later, I had a massive toothache. It seems that although whatever my parents paid that dentist was likely one of the best deals they ever got as far as I was concerned, the roots of the injured tooth had spent all this time gunking. The dentist I saw in my late 20s thought at first that it might be a tumor when she saw it on the panoramic X-ray, but no, it was just a really big abscess, cause for the first of many root canals on that tooth.

Flash forward to now. I've got a crown on that tooth, and it's been bugging me for the last couple of months. (Yeah, it's a temporary crown that's been there for three years and was supposed to be changed to a permanent one three months after the temporary was done, but when you have three children and eight companies and God knows how many clients plus household stuff like laundry and dishes and cooking and paying bills and such, you tend to kind of put yourself last most of the time. I kept meaning to get it fixed to the perm one, but never did. Here's my catalyst, though.)

This damn tooth has been hurting somewhat for at least three weeks. I've been able to keep everything on an even keel by ingesting copious amounts of Tylenol and Motrin, but yesterday was just more than I could take (or more than the meds could knock back, whichever). I made an appointment to see an after-hours-only dentist recommended to me by my dear friend Wendy The Title Goddess; I rang her on Tuesday afternoon but the first spot she had was Thursday evening. I lived through Wednesday, but only just.

Thursday morning I woke up to a really wild surprise. (PLEASE make sure you are seated and have put down all beverages.) It ain't pretty, and it ain't comfy. (Ick Warning!!) This is another massive abscess ... and it's broken through whatever little membrane there is between the roots of each tooth and escaped into the canine tooth region, which is how it got all up under my eye, over my top lip, and over my cheekbone to within about an inch of my ear. Worst of all, it makes me look old and tired and not very happy.

I called my friend Lars. Lars is a prosthodontist (a prosthodontist is a dentist who specializes in prosthodontics, the specialty of implant, esthetic and reconstructive dentistry ... cosmetic dentistry, implants and joint problems all fall under the field of prosthodontics). I 'splained to him like I've 'splained to you, and he bade me show up pronto-pup-quick, which I did. I got lovely nitrous oxide and four shots -- two to numb, one to numb and to kill infection, and one just to kill infection -- and Lars started carving. I already knew I was one of the weirdest people on the planet, and you guys know it too, but add in to your standing knowledge the fact that I LOVE ROOT CANALS and you'll see just how off I truly am. Lars is going to fix the whole thing over time (the "Rome wasn't built in a day" theory -- and he's not jerking me for cash, either ... today's enterprise only cost me very little, including the X-rays, and I was there for nigh on three hours), and I will (hopefully) have the smile I've never had but always wanted.

Lars has a son, Harrison, who was in Kendall's kindergarten class last year and is in Kieran's Cub Scout den this year. Lars is the committed grown-up that comes to the meetings with Harrison, so I know him pretty well from that. His wife Vicki is one of the most wonderful women I've ever had the pleasure to know (and privilege of calling friend); she was the class mom for Kendall's class last year, is a class mom again this year, and helped me host a baby shower in October for Mrs. Crain (Kendall and Harrison's kindergarten teacher, who had twins to add to her two other children). She is a hoot and a love and I adore her. The picture below is of Lars and Harrison at our first Cub Scout meeting; the picture after that is of Vicki (she's on the left; Rachel is on the right in orange, and she's another gloriously cool woman, but that's another story for another time).



So ... now I feel a little bit better. The swelling is still fairly pronounced, and I can still feel the mass of pus (and it moves around, which is beyond gross ... but if it moves up too close to my eye, it squishes tears out of the tear ducts, so I have to encourage it further south toward my nose ... eeeuuuwww factor 200), but the Darvocet is helping and I'm going to bed soon.

Much love to all of you ... sorry about the photos ... hopefully I'll have another picture to send you in a year or so with me sporting a brilliant, dazzling smile!

Paradoxical Juxtapositioning

You know how I feel about the fundamentalist evangelicals, right? I think that being moral is fine, but being moralistic is not. I think that having good judgment is great, but being judgmental is not. I think that the sheer smarmy quotient of "We're not perfect, we're just forgiven" is beyond thwap-worthy. Most of all, though, I honestly and truly believe that these folks are in for an extremely nasty shock when they finally get to meet Saint Peter and are told that they had it all wrong.

So then factor all of that (literally) holier-than-thou mess into the Presidential campaign, and see how certain kids are truly pandering to these folks. But, one might wonder to oneself as one slogs away at the campaign offices of one of these fine Republicans, how do we tell who amongst the voters is also amongst our base? Which of these masses might be one of our core consitutents, so to speak? Well, I'm glad you asked that ... your friendly intrepid blonde has just the guide to help. (Any of you cute kids who want to print this out and keep it in your wallet next to that stuff you have to render unto Caesar for the sake of handiness, feel free.)

With a tip of the hat to Daniel DiRito at The All Spin Zone!

The Top Ten Ways to Identify
An Evangelical Republican

10. They're opposed to sectarian conflict in Iraq but in favor of sectarian politics in the United States.

9. They're opposed to homosexuality and same-sex relationships but they'll vote for a presidential candidate who does drag and lived with two gay men if he can beat Hilary Clinton and her "typically" unfaithful heterosexual husband.

8. They wouldn't dare vote for a Clinton given Bill's disgraceful sexual antics in the White House but they're happy to support a candidate who used New York City funds to carry on an adulterous affair.

7. They criticize Democratic candidates for suggesting they would only nominate pro-choice judges to uphold the law of the land while they require their own candidates to pass religious litmus tests in conflict with the law of the land.

6. They're in favor of abstinence only sex education even though it leads to more unwed teen pregnancies and more parent sponsored abortions (call it the evangelical version of NIMBY - not in my back yard; NIMBU - not in my babygirl's uterus).

5. They're in favor of the separation of church and state if it involves opposing a congressional inquiry into the fundraising and spending habits of leading televangelists but opposed to the separation when it comes to selecting a presidential nominee.

4. They support candidates who endorse more funding for AIDS in Africa while embracing a candidate who favored quarantining AIDS patients in America as well as having Hollywood fund AIDS research instead of the government.

3. They tout Ronald Reagan as their political icon despite the fact that he was unable to acknowledge the toll of HIV on gays in America or even utter the word AIDS ... while they and their churches now run around talking about saving Africa from the ravages of HIV ... as long as it doesn't involve condoms.

2. They talk about their Christian values while they favor denying health care treatment to the children of illegal immigrants. Family values apparently stop at the water's edge (that would be the Rio Grande river).

1. They'll never make enough money to truly benefit from George Bush's tax cuts for the rich or condemn his doubling of the national debt but they're happy to call the Democratic candidates who support an increase in minimum wage and favor a national health care system unacceptable tax and spend liberals.

Bonus Qualifier: They abhor the fact that Jesus was tortured, mocked, and condemned to death without due process but they're damn sure in favor of waterboarding and disregarding the principle of habeas corpus while indefinitely imprisoning war-on-terror detainees.

So put that in your oxymoron pipe and smoke it (along with the tobaccos labeled "Compassionate Conservative" and "Moral Majority" and "Religious Right").